Wolf Shirt

-because i love zombie movies and Dan Boekner (from Wolf Parade).  i dunno but if it were me, i wouldnt let a zombie spit in my mouth even if it were love.  i would blast that bastard.

one of the best parts of the internet is how easy it is for “inside joke” type of mockery to spread.  for example this wolf shirt has become a cult favorite on amazon.com for obvious reasons:

wolf shirt

wolf shirt

at some point the snarky, hipster crowd found out about this shirt and ran with it and now this shirt is one of the most highly reviewed items on amazon.  almost every user leaves a 5 star rating plus a hilarious quip about how the shirt cured their HIV or something.  below, some of the most popular are sampled.  also, check out the images section of the amazon page to see the wolf shirt doctored into some really funny pictures.

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the ‘guns’), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.


and some of the first reviews…

You would not believe the pussy i pull in this thing

-Don Juan

My power has increased 100 fold with the addition of this shirt to my already vast arsenal of wolf shirts


I just saw this guy with this exact same shirt on!  he made my pussy all wet


if god wore a shirt, it would be this one


nothing more beautiful than a girl in a wolf shirt and panties


excellent roaming shirt out in the desert.  gets you great reception for your cell phone as well

-teh win

“born to bone” is more like it when you wear this f*er around


my last GF was stolen by a guy who had a wolf shirt for every day of the week


OMG i got into a gangbang with a pack of hot wolves because of this sexy shirt


Some people say my father created Earth in 7 days… he created the wolf shirt before he even began thinking about making the world

-Black Jesus

this shirt cured my AIDS!


There is no way our shirt cured AIDS.


if you love hipster-savvy humor, definitely check out the amazon.com pages for Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz Uranium Ore and the JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank (see below).

badonkadonk land cruiser/tank

badonkadonk land cruiser/tank


One response to “Wolf Shirt

  1. WolfMasterfey

    You’ve all been there, alone, naked, crying. What fear has gripped you? The same fear that grips any real man, lack of Wolf Shirt. See even the most bad ass Wolf Shirt needs to be cleaned once and a while, that’s where this shirt comes in. Now I know what you are thinking: “Hey Internet, why don’t I buy two Wolf Shirts, or maybe a sweet Shark Shirt as back up to wear when I wash the Wolf Shirt.” Well you think you are so clever don’t you Human?…It is because of idiot thoughts like that, that I the Internet will some day rule over you simpering meat sacks. The reason, as even a heartless machine knows it is plain to see, is that a man creates a special bond with his Wolf Shirt. A beloved friend, a companion, a lover. This is a sacred bond. If you had a real live wolf, and took it to a groomer to be cleaned, you wouldn’t just leave it there and walk your other back up Wolf would you? I sure hope not, Christ to God I hope you have the mentality of a real man, a man that knows he could show no casual loyalty to his Wolf Shirt, but will enter into this sacred bond with the sincerity a real Wolf Shirt owner should have. So until you get a wolf tatoo on your chest, this is just going to have to do, ok? Love,
    The Internet

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